Have you ever felt that no matter what you do, things are just going to go wrong? Well, that's my life so far this year.
We started off good, don't get me wrong, but things have gone downhill fast. In February, my grandpa became ill and was hospitalized. I was told that he was doing fine, and that he would be released the next day, which did happen. After being home for two days, he went back into the hospital briefly, and then back home again. A day later, hospice was set up, as he was going downhill fast, and it was coming close to the end for him. That night, my grandpa passed away. Thankfully, I was able to get to see him twice in those last days and let him know how much he was loved.
Looking back, I remember my grandfather as a man who was much loved and blessed by God. He was married to my grandma for 64 years, had 9 children, 27 grandchildren, and 10 great-grandchildren (I think I got the numbers of grandchildren and great-grandchildren right). He lived a long life, and was well loved by us all. He was ready to go when he was called by God, and he went peacefully.
Now, this month, not even a month from my grandfather's illness and subsequent passing, I received the phone call stating that my former boss, and very good friend, was diagnosed with end-stage liver cancer. He had been feeling a bit off for a while, and finally went in to see the doctor. He was admitted to the hospital a day later to receive treatment for water retention and a full body scan, after which he was basically given two options - either receive chemotherapy and possibly extend his life by a week or two, or try to live comfortably for the next two months until he passed. He chose to try chemotherapy, and had one treatment this past Saturday. He was released from the hospital, and things were looking up a bit. Yesterday morning he was re-admitted to the hospital because the pain medication he was able to take at home wasn't cutting it. He decided at that time to stay in the hospital on hospice care until the end, no more chemotherapy. Today, his kidneys have failed, and he is entering the last day or two of his life. He is 64 years old, has a wife he met in Germany while he was in the Army, a son, a niece that he raised as his own daughter from age 13, and three grandchildren. As his friend, I will miss him greatly when he is gone.
The rest of these "bad" things are trivial, but I guess just build up. I have four sick kids - three of which are also teething - the brake line broke on my van while trying to avoid hitting some dogs that were wandering in the highway, my youngest has gone on a "nursing strike", and I have lost my milk supply due to lack of sleep and my own illness, and I've gotten 5 hours of sleep over the last two nights.
I know that things will get better. I know that these are all things that are part of life. I also know that all of these things suck, some more than most. I have been accused of being a self-centered person that cares more about myself and my life than the goings on in the world right now, and of being hard-hearted when I have said that I just don't have the energy to care about what is happening on the other side of the world right now. Am I wrong to concentrate more on what is going on here, with me and my family? Am I a terrible person for feeling overwhelmed? I don't think I am. What do you think?
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